Getting older? Arthritis five!

Well, it happens to all of us. At some point and time, you're going to sit back, look at your life, and realize that it's passed you by, and you are, as they say, old. But old is relative. Your idea of old could be trading in your Corvette for a Volvo, could be the day you stop believing in Santa, it might just be the day you realize that you've started to grow up (mindfuck much?)

And that's what I'm going to write about today, folks: growing up. It might come to you soon, or maybe you think your years away. But sooner or later, you're going to grow up. You're going to have to face the world, and it may really suck. It wasn't until I was heading out to the Jersey shore for a weekend that it dawned on me: I was growing up. I was forced to make different, more mature decisions, my parents had all but cut me loose for the most part (in terms of me going places, etc. No more did I have to call in wherever I went), and I was financially responsible for my own portfolio.

Fuck. When did this happen? I guess it can be traced back to the old parable about the sword of Damocles. For those of you unfamiliar with this story, it's about a peasant who trades places with a king, believing the king to have a vast fortune, however, upon trading places, he sees a sword hanging above his head by a single horse hair, and immediately the food has lost all taste, and his "fortune" feels empty. That's how life is. If you focus simply on the here and now, things may seem great, but then when you get to the later years, they might seem downright shitty. Or if you focus solely on the later years, your simple pleasures of early life are lost. For those of you who couldn't figure it out, the early years are the joys of being a king, without seeing the sword. Go from there on your interpretations.

Growing up is going to happen, whether you like it or not (Sorry Michael Jackson). You're going to have to mature, face newer challenges, and begin to turn your back on earlier things in life that maybe you proverbially "outgrow", just like clothes. You wear them and then they stay the same size as you get bigger, so you get new ones. Cartoons may be funny if you're high as a kite, but they're not quite as chic when you're bored on a Saturday night**. Time for a big boy show.

But that's not me saying abandon all hope of enjoying your childhood. The key is to grow with the changes, roll with the punches, and just let life come at you as it will. But don't be one of those avant-garde people who want to be adults when they're kids, and act pompous about it. This isn't a justification to turn your back on people your own age. But also don't be the kid at the frat party, just because you don't want to admit that you have to grow up. I've seen people who look forward to living with their parents in their early 20s, simply because life seems simpler there. I've seen people who want to be independent at 16, because they feel held back by their parents. You have to find a balance that's right for you.

The sad reality is that you get older, and things are going to change. You're going to have to get a helmet to cover up your own sword of Damocles with age. Because, let's face it. You can't turn back the hands of time. So enjoy it while you can, but embrace the change as it comes. That's the way to protect your head from that sword.

Now hand me my dentures. I need to look good at the frat party tonight.

**Please note that I'm not hating on cartoons specifically. Ironically, a lot of them have very mature undertones that a kid wouldn't pick up on. MY roommate also enjoys his weekly doses of Adventure Time. It's just when cartoons are your only television intake that you might notice weird looks from people.